I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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