You're so nebulous sometimes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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