Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
