nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
