We're facebook friends in real life
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In other news, I just burned my penis
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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