i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
