I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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