on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
