There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
