so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
