apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
