"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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