my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
