I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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