party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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