It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
