Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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