nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
