If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
