she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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