she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
