i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
