My brain says no but my pants say off.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
