How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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