I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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