I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
