how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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