Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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