She is in my trunk
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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