P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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