But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
