so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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