the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she looked like the before picture.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
