It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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