Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He shit in the fireplace
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
