Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
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