i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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