the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
