I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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