hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
