I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
