Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
its liver damage thursday
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