I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
