Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
do nipples grow back?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
