I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
