if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
