they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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