Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
