you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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