I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
