This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
