My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
