so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's rum buckets o'clock
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
